Sunday, October 09, 2005

a biochemical spill

I went to a wedding today. It was the most depressing wedding I've ever experienced. In the middle of the ceremony the bride started crying. These were not tears of joy. She was saying goodbye to herself.

A little piece of wisdom about crying was passed along to me recently via a fascinating Iranian Aussie. He said that sometimes he tried to cry for as long as he could. Like a really deep sob, one with wails. I believe he had gotten up to like a half an hour. For him it was like meditating, very healing and rejuvenating, and he said that it's actually quite difficult to keep yourself upset for that long. Afterwards, he always felt amazing. I am imagining him now telling me "So good, man..." Now I agree, of course, after a good cry you can feel so much better. I guess I never really thought about trying to keep the cry going to like get it all out. And I guess I don't want to think about anything that could happen to cause tears like that. I guess...

It's probably just PMS, but when I got home I couldn't stop thinking about the whole wedding thing, and that led me to think about all this other stuff and I started to cry too, and I keep going, and kept letting myself cry more. I cry on occasion, but it's always weak. I get a couple tears to trickle down to mid-cheek on a big cry. Even if I'm alone I brush it away quickly telling myself how silly I am. Today... I let a real cry out.

I cried for all those things all those times it was inappropriate to do so.

I know that last sentence must be a grammatical nightmare, but it's pretty much the perfect way to say that. I've been collecting things to cry about for months and today was the day to let them all flow. I felt a sense of relief, one so pure and fantastic, I went for a walk around the lake, came home, and cried again for all the stuff I forgot in the first go.

2 comments:

Kurios1978 said...
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Kurios1978 said...

Now that WAS a depressing wedding...