Friday, July 22, 2005

ennui... one of those days

Where are those people who just glow and sparkle? They used to pop up everywhere. On the L train just finishing my favorite book with a smile, in the park posing on a bench in the most perfect light for a breathtaking photo, in front of me at a deli on a late night ordering a peppermint tea and a sandwich that included kimchi and Russian dressing, asking me the most hilarious and cheeky question to get me to talk to them at a house party.

I've been looking for a creative cosmopolite. The perfect someone who is comfortable in their skin and shares a new yorky still down to earth vibe, with just a drop of dorky/geeky/nerdy chic added in. I seek out the people who live their life loud. So much so that all the things they do, believe, and are interested in, simply explodes and rides on the surface of the aura surrounding them, so that you can see (and feel) all that they are, from half a block down the street. And then they still own mystery and so much more beautiful complexity when you actually get to talking. They leave you curious and eager to be a bigger part of their world.

Those were the people who had me checking the missed connections on craig's list, had me hoping that my phone would start vibrating out of control in my pocket, had me dreaming about what they would taste like. Where are they now?

I've developed lackluster crushes here and there, had pointless evenings with a few who I thought had potential... but, now I'm bored. My options for love, relationships, and dating here in Korea just suck. The word of the day explains it all. Whatever it is I'm looking for, I'm pretty sure it's not here. Four weeks till Thailand. Five months till I leave all together. Let the countdown begin.

Word of the Day for Thursday July 21, 2005

ennui \on-WEE\, noun:
A feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction arising from lack
of interest; boredom.

He glanced at his heavily laden bookshelves. Nothing there
appealed to him. The ennui seemed to have settled into his
very bones.
--Amanda Quick, [1]With This Ring

He was often off sick or playing hooky and suffered from a
kind of ennui, a mixture of listlessness and willful
--Elisabeth Roudinesco, [2]Jacques Lacan (translated by
Barbara Bray)

Yet if she felt anything it was ennui,... the grey sky
and the cold wind obliterating every impulse she might have
felt to seek comfort in another climate, another landscape.
--Anita Brookner, [3]Falling Slowly

He was ashamed and unhappy, adrift with a senseless ennui.
--Brian Moynahan, [4]Rasputin: The Saint Who Sinned

Ennui is from the French, from Old French enui, "annoyance,"
from enuier, "to annoy, to bore," from the Latin phrase in
odium, "in hatred or dislike."

Synonyms: tedium, boredom, listlessness, weariness. [5]Find
more at


zachille o'neal said...

here's what's pathetic: i feel that way everyday, and I live in New York City.

Katrina Clark said...

I remember that word... word of the month maybe from Ms. Millard's English class.. what was that? junior year? I believe Jill said, "He ennui-ed me." Whenever I hear that word I think of one of my favorite years in life...How curious...

misskoco said...

I can't beleive you remember words from English class. That was an awesome class with such an insane mix of individuals. I loved you guys. The only thing I remember was reading th Scarlet Letter, writing a journal (that I filled with more pictures than I did writing), and our fabulolus little GLSBA collective.

That was the only time I got a D on my report card. I brought it up to a respectable grade by the last semester, but I was far more interested in the people in that class and my social life than the subject. I always cut class or showed up really late.

It wasn't one of my favorite years, but 16 was an interesting one. KATRINA! Wow!